Emergency Review of Poems Underway!

According to the Toronto Star,

"a private Jewish school is reviewing samples of sexual and at times violent poetry written by its director – and posted on his website – after some parents complained the content is inappropriate for an educator."

Judging by the two excerpts posted online by The Star, his poetry is not particularly good, but I don't feel that it's bad enough to warrant a full review.

But since a review is what's been called for, I feel qualified to do so as I've been known to publish a line or two of verse on these pages myself.

Here are my thoughts and recommendations.


Dear Mr. Prashker,

Upon reviewing your poems, I feel you have stumbled upon some compelling imagery - and made some elementary mistakes.

The first poem, "For Agapé" relies too much on adjectives such as ironically, ardently, ineptly.

Tip 1: Show, don't tell Mr. Prashker.

For example, "fumbling with your bra" is a much better way to communicate "ardently if ineptly" than "ardently if ineptly" is. Of course fumbling with a bra could be seen as a cliché, but then, it's also familiar to a lot of people. Either way, you'll probably want to think up something yourself, since you're the one who has to decide whether it expresses what you want it to express.

Tip 2: Always consider cutting the last line of your poem.

Poets are often tempted to use the last line of the poem to summarize exactly what you meant. This removes the subtlety of what your saying and creates a kind of "ta-da" moment that readers are probably not as impressed with as you are. For example:

"F - - - the middle class" you said

"I am," I answered "I am."

But you were too preoccupied to hear

The second poem, "A Song of Self-overcoming" seems not so much a poem as a fragment. I think the idea needs further development. It has no clear sense of purpose or voice. So,

Tip 3: Poeple don't want to read grand pronouncements about human nature.

If they did, they'd go visit their aunts and uncles more often. If you want to write a poem about the time your uncle compared building a deck to the Bible's creation story, that's fine and it might end up being a very good poem. But you can't just write down whatever you want and call it a poem.

Consider the question of who is the speaker in the poem? Who are they talking to? What is the context?

Right now it sounds like your speaker is you (which could be why you're in so much trouble!) This poem certainly expresses your opinion about human nature and the state of the world - but isn't this the job of politicians? And if you're going to be a poet, you're going to need a bit more credibility than that lot.

Conclusion: I believe that you made a good start with these two pieces. As always, my advice is threefold: revision, revision, revision. I don't see anything here that warrants dismissal, particularly since you are not being paid to write poetry.

In solidarity,
DA